Guilt, Regret & Shame.
I just don’t know what to do. I can never do anything “right.” There are so many different sides of “right”… right? Right. So I’ll just write. Write until the feeling of numbness takes over my exterior while inside I’m allowed to have a pool of imperfection that inspires “welllllll”‘s. I’ll allow my mind to conspire as my heart just wallows in the eerie echoes of painful memories ricocheting within its chambers. The past will be the past, they say. But it’s the only thing solid and worthy of trust… what kind of seeds am I harvesting today… seeds that were seemingly healthy yet are bearing the wrong fruit. Living and Loving a Lie. Have I come to a place I didn’t design myself? Being disillusioned requires me re-aligning myself.
My past continues to haunt me.
My Past Continues to Haunt me.
I’ve generally used my blog as a private-ish (private in the sense that I’ve never told anyone that I know about it) place to kind of post random moments of inspiration (pictures, video’s blah blah.) Well, now since “necessity is the mother of invention” my new inner-desire to capture each day has made it necessary to find a place of documentation… and my inner-self won’t let me settle for writing in my trusty notebook (she goes wherever I go) or on an encrypted word document… Self has asked me to be a little more daring and share my days and thoughts on my blog… I don’t have to go announcing this but I HAVE to make my findings about life accessible to some internet gangstas who will either defend or destroy my thoughts… only in this way will I find out more about myself and maybe even a few other people as well. I will reflect on my blog posts on a weekly, monthly, and yearly basis.
Some days I’ll be more profound than others lol The only commitment I am making to my “self” is that I will post at least one thought on here every day. IF things are a little too private then I will just have to do some extra writing on the side.
Awkward angle + looked at the mirror instead of the camera- buttt I felt pwetty 💁 #nofilter #selfie #face #bigface #lipstick #friday #beat #happy #glowing
Just because… Lol yeah right- lost files from @cest_la_v_23 birthday last month ✨
#motivation #desperate #dreamchaser #driven #cuttingthecord #burningdesire #lifepurpose #goals #change #freedom #liberation #captainofmysoul #destiny #GodisGood
Super blessed. Super happy. Super tired. Super ready for tomorrow! 💤 #filtersareeverything #GodisGood #itsyourtime